Why Some Politicians Are F**kboys

satan
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This won’t be a list of Jeremy Corbyn’s favourite grime songs or how he’s just like you because he wants to bring back Top Boy.

No this isn’t that. What this is a text that we’ve all received. It’s 2 in the morning and a unknown number pop ups with:

Hey bighead

That’s what politicians are. Duck you time and time again, until they want something.

‘What’s good? Remember when you said you’d raise the minimum wage?

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Think we could go uni without getting into thousands in debt?

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So let me get this straight; you duck me for 256 weeks and a month from a general election you wanna talk to me about ‘how maybe we should try again’?

Politicians listen to all your thoughts, opinions and concerns; take your hand, stare deeply into your eyes and say:

I’m not like those other guys

Not like them? You’re literally from the same team! Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me every 5 years, then call your boys and set up the tripod.

Politicians are a different species.
They claim to work for the ‘Man in the street‘ and spend five years crossing the street to avoid them.

Remember the MP expenses scandal? Where MP’s used tax payers money on everything from refurbishing their homes to buying porn.
Well the most offensive thing wasn’t Grimsby MP Austin Mitchell claiming his 67p Ginger Crinkles biscuits as expenses, because he was too ashamed to spend his own money on such a shit biscuit; no the most offensive thing was just how much tax payers money was spent on second homes. From refurbishing, renting out and claiming travel expenses from their SECOND HOME outside of London so they didn’t have to use public transport.

So for those at the back; travel expenses were so they didn’t have to be ANYWHERE near the very people they were supposed to represent.

Most people don’t have second homes. And if they do it’s a shed in the garden with a pull up bar that hasn’t been used since 2009.

And when they have to communicate with the ‘working classes’ it comes across with all the believability of Nigel Farage talking up his ‘many’ black friends (Winston from Brixton is not your friend fam) Like when Gordon Brown refused to answer which was his favourite biscuit so as not to offend the other biscuits. (And for the record it’s Hob Nobs or fuck off)

And here we have yet another ‘man of the people’ struggle to answer a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question:

And just ask all those dickhead Trump voters who were on Obamacare how politicians lie.
(No sympathy for them though)

And can we really be surprised when these people who can’t stand the idea of public transport and living in ONE HOME; don’t actually make things better for people they’ve never met and in fact help keep the rich rich and where possible richer?

And every ‘Sidechick Sunday‘ we watch bae take main to church, meet the family, sit down to dinner, then hit us up at 2 in the morning to tell us…we’re ‘soul mates’ because they eat custard creams too.

So there you have it politicians are fuckboys. But if we’re honest sometimes…occasionally…in rare cases; we’re all prone to a little fuckboy behaviour. Whether you have to break up with one because he bought you Men In Black for Valentine’s Day (because all of a sudden you don’t like Will Smith ‘that’ much) or just liking Jeremy Clarkson. Because no one who likes Top Gear isn’t at least on the fuck boy spectrum.

What I’m saying is Jeremy Corbyn isn’t Jesus. Jeremy Corbyn isn’t going to save the world. He won’t save your life. He will pour £6 billion into the increasingly underfunded NHS, so the nurses and doctors can save your life.

And Corbyn has certainly been on the right side of history.

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He’s not a career politician. He didn’t leave private school and go straight into politics for the coke and prostitute parties; all without having ever met a person who didn’t have a net worth you can google.

And let’s put a swift end to this ‘I’m not into politics‘ talk. You don’t have to be into politics to like money. And with his plans to raise the minimum wage from 7.20 to £10 and cuts to rail prices that’s more money in your pocket.

And believe me the whole ‘you can’t judge someone based on who they vote for..‘ is dead. Because you sure as fuck can. If you vote Tory you’re either rich, selfish or both. And if you don’t earn over 80k then you are also very stupid.

And we’re not gonna go back to back on policies; it comes to down to one thing. Fox hunting. Which despite being banned, Theresa is a fan of and wants to bring back.

It’s not about whether you’re a vegan, animal rights activist or even rate foxes; it’s about the practise itself. Some argue foxes are a pest, well for arguments sake let’s say they’re pests.

I’m not sure if you’ve ever had a pest problem, but if the pest controllers turned up in hundreds of pounds worth of hunting clothes, drinking wine, eating cheese on horseback with a pack of dogs you’d probably assume they’re not professional pest controllers.

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Oh and you do know that in a fox hunt when they do finally corner the fox they don’t shoot it. They actually break it’s spine to incapacitate it, so the dogs can tear it to pieces.

And even then, it’s still not about foxes. It’s about the type of people who dress up to watch the hyper violent death of an animal like a nieces christening. It’s about those people representing the country instead of seeking intense psychiatric help. And most importantly it’s about the likelihood of the entity known as ‘Theresa’ being able to compute human emotion; much less having the country’s best interests at heart.

It’s understandable why people don’t vote. Change is rarely instant and so many of the people promising change are promising it to people who aren’t you and don’t need it.

But Corbyn has proven time and time again to be different. You only have to look at the way the media is coming for him to see that. He won the leadership in a landslide, but people in his party are fighting him. And those people are the ones with 2 houses, from a private school, who cross the road to avoid you. Life as an MP under Corbyn won’t be quite as fun. For one they’d be paying higher taxes and he’s also been adamant about punishing tax avoiders. Many of whom are in his own party.

The most important thing is if the people who didn’t vote did, they could make ANY party run the country. It takes so little to vote and whether you do or not your pocket will feel the difference.

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It takes less than 5 minutes to register. And on June 8th mark the box.

Even if you don’t, just vote for the person who’s actually seen a hob nob before.